LIFE IN THE WAR ZONE VISITORS, GO HOME!

Yeah, I know. 

Miami has great beaches, great nightlife, some incredible parks and weather that just about anyone wants to enjoy after a long and miserable winter. We get it, we live here, we know it's a fun spot and we understand why those of you who live in frozen tundras like Minnesota dig the idea of spending a few days here getting away from it all.

But right now many of us would like you to get away from us, please, sooner rather than later. You visitors have proven to be nothing much but a problem as we try to cope with that pesky virus going around -- Covid 19. You know, the one which has killed a bunch of people from all over the world.

I'm having serious issues trying to figure out the mindset of anyone who would deliberately choose to get on an airplane heading towards the state which has the highest number of cases and has earned the dubious honor of being the pandemic's epicenter.

A lot of us who live here would love to get away from here for the next month if we could figure out how to do it. The notion of jumping in the car and driving all the way to Maine (where things are nowhere as dire as here) is very appealing. 

But that makes a lot more sense than you goofballs who are heading into the maw of the dragon.  We residents watch reports of house parties you attend (with a prize if you happen to catch Covid) or read that you are pissed off because Ocean Drive is now closed to automobile traffic and even more of the beach will shut down if you insist on following your current path.

I read one report in which a visitor was so disappointed she said "I ain't coming back!" which made the English major in me laugh out loud. These folks aren't understanding why they are not receiving the warm and fuzzy welcome they expected.

Sorry folks, this is a pandemic, South Florida is home and we really don't want things to get any worse than they already are. And if making you go away will help us, then we ain't going to say no to your departure.

So I am going to speak for many of the locals who live here year round and tell those of you who are here or are planning to visit here in the coming weeks GO HOME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. 

See that airplane in my photo? Try to find the next one and get you and the rest of your cohorts on it and fly away fast fast fast.

And by the way, feel free to come back and spend your money when this whole thing clears up. But for the present go away, leave us who live here to cope as best we can as we marshall our precious resources to help those of us who call this place home.

And wear your mask on the way out, people. Starting today you pay $50 if you are caught not wearing one. And ff you must have a souvenir there are some out there with flamingos on them.